After the Fire

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Comedy/Romance/, USA, 2011, 22 min.

Synopsis For those of you who still think Modern Family is a ripoff of Arrested Development, here's something the Bluths NEVER did: help a neighboring family with a clothing drive who lost their home in a fire. Claire (Julie Bowen) is leading the charge; she is Wonder Woman, according to Phil (Ty Burrell). Jay (Ed O'Neill) thought it was a terrible tragedy, although the closet he built for them survived the fire, and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) couldn't sleep for days. Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) won't let him take anything for it. Since some people can sleepwalk or even sleep-drive because of pills like that. Cameron?CAMERON: I sleep-clown.While Luke (Nolan Gould) and (Rico Rodriguez) Manny decide to try out the webcam helicopter Gloria (Sofía Vergara) donated to the Rand's son (formerly going to Manny), Haley (Sarah Hyland) and Alex (Ariel Winter) figured out the perfect way to not have to work: yell and scream at each other. (HALEY: Works every time.) Jay overdoes the lifting and throws out his back, meaning Cameron has to go get the truck. A little bragging about the combine he drove in high school helped, and now Alex and Haley have to help Uncle Cam sweep out the truck for dust, spiders, and whatever the truck was last used to transport. It turns out Phil can help Jay with his lower back. Everybody recommends Phil, who was a licensed masseur before being bit by the real estate agent bug. Mitchell even agrees Phil got this twinge in his back taken care of.JAY: I'm sorry, but I think you have a higher tolerance for a man's hands on your body than I do.Jay finally relented, although given Phil had a massage table, candles, and soft music upstairs in the bedroom and he was meditating, I have to take Jay's side on this one. Gloria, meanwhile, donated a box of dresses and a box of snicker-snackers, which Claire found unendingly funny and had to mock her about behind her back. Mitch thought she was going a bit over the line, but Claire thought it was harmless fun. Then she accidentally knocked over the box of snicker-snackers. But in her defense, she broke a vase she gave Gloria. (MITCHELL: After I gave it to you.)Cam drove the truck, but Haley decided to continue riding Alex about her choice of attire, even asking Alex's future prom date (Cam) to give her fashion advice, since he was the expert. Cam was getting a bit offended by all of this. He expected it from Jay's generation but not the kids'. They stop for a burger and return to find the truck very wedged in. Alex and Haley offer to guide him out, but he's having none of it. (CAMERON: That question? It was like a hate crime.) After almost hitting someone, a half dozen sudden stops, and Haley and Alex even resorting to holding each other's hands, Cam sends them out to guide him.Jay's biggest problem with Phil is that he overdoes everything to win Jay's approval. He asked Phil for one thing: hook up his wireless printer. Jay has yet to hear the end of that. And based on the incense Phil was burning as Jay lay down on the massage table, things weren't improving.PHIL: You know, the Native Americans believed that burning sage kept bad energy away.JAY: And how did that work out for them? (annoyed) Get to the back.Finally Phil was ready. He jumps on top of Jay (yes, exactly how you're picturing it now) and gets started. Jay's protesting like a madman...and then the pain starts going away. (JAY: Oh, mama Lucian, that's good!) Claire was right: Phil was a magician. Jay is really enjoying the massage. So much so, he lets slip three little words: I love you. THIS, I love THIS!JAY: (interview) It just slipped out. Those are the worst three words I could say to Phil. I was just praying he would let it go and not make a big deal about it.PHIL: Oh, Jay! This is huge. I'm...I'm sorry, I just need a minute!But to Phil's credit, the massage worked perfectly. Unfortunately, even Gloria thought Jay was screwed when he told her about saying "I love you" to Phil. But at least she has Mitchell to go shopping the same outlet store where Manny drops off his clothes. Claire is thinking Mitchell has mommy issues. It was this way with their old mom, and now it's with their new mom.Oh, BTW, remember how Phil reacted to Jay's "I love you"? Well, Modern Family can play the "you didn't see everything, did you?" angle. It turns out, Phil reacted to a text from two agents at his office who were starting their own agency and wanted Phil to join for a big bump in pay. Phil ran out to tell someone and wanted to talk to Jay later on about what happened. He needed Jay's advice because he wasn't much for making great decisions under pressure...if the alpaca he once bought was any indication. (not a sweater, the ACTUAL animal)Cam wasn't having much luck getting the truck out, and he refused help from a table of truckers at the restaurant. But it turns out he was trying to prove to Haley and Alex that a gay guy can do anything a straight guy can do. And if you'll pardon the pun, they straighten him out by letting him know he's not the only gay person in their lives and they thought he couldn't drive a truck because he was Cam, not because he was gay. Cam apologizes for jumping to conclusions and tries to get them out...of the dirt ramp they backed into.Claire is upset that Mitchell seems to be cozying up to Gloria as if she was their mother, so Claire goes up to talk to Jay. She complains about how Mitchell is doing exactly what he did as a kid: making this private little club with Mom that she wasn't invited she lays on the bed next to Jay and puts her head gently on him. (CLAIRE: Daddy, can I have a sip of your beer?) And she figures it out. Claire went downstairs to talk to Mitchell about it, admitting they chose teams during the divorce of Jay and DeDe. Since then, they had formed their own team and Claire was worried about it breaking up. Mitchell assured her they'd still be a team. And Claire apologized to Gloria for thinking she liked Mitchell better. Actually, she does. But Gloria asked Claire if she was truly her favorite person in the family. ("I'm not even your favorite Colombian in the family.")Cameron, Haley, and Alex finally head home and run into Luke and Manny, who lost the helicopter. A couple of nerdy bullies found it (yes, I wrote that correctly), and refused to give it back. So Alex whips out the long hair and goes authoritative on the three nerds, who were clearly smitten with her, and gets the helicopter back.HALEY: (shocked) What just happened?ALEX: You have your fans, and I have mine. And someday, your fans are going to work for my fans.Jay tries to escape from Phil to no avail. But Phil was nice enough to get to brass tacks and talk about the job. It's a big opportunity, but he has a stable job and three kids. ("And at least one of them is going to college. Worst case scenario, all three of them go!") Jay tells him to ask himself one question: does he want this? Phil does, and he has his answer.PHIL: Look, I know you were reluctant to get that massage, but I think we can both agree it had a happy ending.JAY: Please don't say that!But Jay was back to moving boxes. And if he could only rescue one thing from his house if it was on fire?JAY: Probably my first set of golf clubs. My old man gave them to me.GLORIA: The engagement ring that Jay gave me that changed my life.MITCHELL: Lily's adoption papers.CAMERON: I was going to say Lily's adoption papers! OK, in that case, my mom's recipe book.PHIL: All our family photos. Which I keep on my iPad, so I guess my iPad.CLAIRE: As long as I had my family, I wouldn't need anything else.EVERYBODY: BOO!! HISSS!PHIL: You say something like that, it makes us all seem petty.CLAIRE: Yeah, I know. I know.EVERYBODY: BOO!! HISSS!

Directed by Fred Savage  

Starring Ed O'Neill, Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, more...

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