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The Long Honeymoon


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Comedy/Romance/, 2014, 21 min.

Synopsis Jay (Ed O'Neill) found himself a new pair of glasses. Apparently, he thinks the Harry Caray look is back in style. Also, several of his Hawaiian shirts had disappeared...and coincidentally ended up on the backs of several of Gloria's (Sofía Vergara) cousins in Colombia, who insisted on Skyping with Manny (Rico Rodriguez), and he couldn't use the same "no halbo Espanol" that Jay uses with them. Jay isn't happy, but Gloria thought he could put more effort into his appearance like she did. (GLORIA: See these shoes? My toes have been numb since my quinceańera!) But Jay figured she got dolled up for herself rather than him. So she decided she would turn the tables and dress like a complete bum, even smearing her lipstick all over the place. Unfortunately, she chose the night when they were to have dinner with some important people from Jay's workplace to do it. Gloria wouldn't back down, so Jay finally had to admit why he didn't care about his appearance anymore. He had been trying, but he was in Barney's the other day and got laughed at by a couple of younger guys for trying to look good at his age. He figured he was old and no amount of sharp clothing could fix that, so why bother? Gloria slapped him on his face (seriously, she did) and told him she gets mad when anybody thinks she married him just because of his money. That was only part of the reason. She thought he was a sexy guy, and she wanted him to keep trying to be that way for as long as he possibly could. He decided to take home his gorgeous disaster and prove how sexy he was...only to walk right into Gloria's birthday party, which Manny threw a week early to surprise her. Gloria screamed and ran out of the house. And not 15 seconds later, she walked back in with a sexy dress, her hair done right, and her makeup exactly as she always had it.GLORIA: I had this on under my clothes. You really think I'd walk into a bar like that?JAY: All these years, you're telling me you can get ready that fast?!?!?Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) had been back from their honeymoon for several weeks and it was almost like they were still on it. Well, Mitchell felt that way because Cameron was really overdoing it on the affection. Flowers every day, candlelit bath, tons of balloons, and Mitchell was already tired of it. Things did not get better when Cameron crashed the party at Mitchell's new law firm. Particularly given it was just a work party and he hadn't even had a chance to tell his new co-workers yet he was married. Cameron dancing with him at the party seemed to answer it for them.And if you think Cameron was done, then you don't know him very well. He had an entire setup for their three-month anniversary, which Mitchell didn't even know about. Confetti, cardboard cutouts of them in their tuxes, even Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) got in on the act by dressing as a winged Cupid and shooting Mitchell with an arrow. Despite Claire's advice to not tell Cameron to tone it down, Mitchell can't take it anymore, and Cameron reacted very badly, as you may have suspected. But Mitchell finally got him to admit why he was doing it. Cameron felt too much like they lost the romance to concentrate on raising Lily, but then the chance to get married meant the romance returned for the last year. Cameron didn't want to lose it again. Mitchell promised him he wouldn't and agreed that both of them would be responsible for keeping the romance going. Mitchell's contribution? He finished that dance with Cameron to Billy Ocean's Carribean Queen, the song that was playing when Mitchell asked Cameron to move in with him. Cameron was touched, and they had a romantic dance.LILY: Are we almost done with fairy time?MITCHELL and CAMERON: (offended) Lily!LILY: I just want to get out of this costume.MITCHELL and CAMERON: Oh, right. It does look uncomfortable. It's OK, they do snap off.Summer was going quite well for the Dunphys. Incredibly well, in fact. Luke (Nolan Gould) and Haley (Sarah Hyland) were getting along great, Haley's fashion video blog had 50,000 members, Claire (Julie Bowen) got so much done, she even had time to read, and Phil (Ty Burrell) was enjoying the bounty of plums that were available in his garden. Phil loved doing magic. They were even...eating cookies at breakfast! Wait, where's Alex (Ariel Winter), you say? She was enjoying her summer building homes for the poor. Or so they thought. She came home a week early because her tent got ruined and she had to sleep outside under a piece of plywood, she had been bitten by every outdoor creature alive, and she almost suffered the same fate of her tentmate, who got a nail gun in the foot and was stuck in the same spot until Alex got her out of it. She came home...and the luck ran out completely. Seriously, it was like she was Cousin Oliver on steroids. Luke and Haley were ready to kill each other, then Alex went outside to get her backpack and they made up...and went right back into it when she returned. Neither Phil nor Claire wanted to blame it on Alex, but he tried a plum, and...The bat that flew through the house was the last straw. Phil and Claire tried to convince Alex to stick it out for another week and finish her summer project because she liked to finish things, but Alex saw right through it. Needless to say, she was beyond ticked off. And no amount of apology from anyone was going to stop her from leaving. Well, that is until she saw the light on top of Haley's laptop, indicating the webcam was on. And it had been on all summer, meaning we now know why Haley had 50,000 visitors to her video blog. A fire had started in the oven, and it was Claire's book. The one she had only read two pages of because she binge-watched every Real Housewives series. Oh, and of course Phil doesn't know how to operate the fire extinguisher very well. Phil and Luke insisted she at least try some of their rhubarb pie before she left, only they forgot to take the leaves off the rhubarbs, which only Alex knew were poisonous. Given she now saw they would not have survived without her and were just living a life of delusion, she figured that was good enough to not go back under that piece of plywood while helping build homes. (ALEX: You do know the attic window is open upstairs, right?)


Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller  

Starring Ed O'Neill, Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, more...

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