When Good Kids Go Bad

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Comedy/Romance/, USA, 2011

Synopsis If society ever went back to the days when only the women would grocery shop, Claire (Julie Bowen) would be OK with that. Phil (Ty Burrell) is annoying as hell in the grocery store, especially with his rap songs about sandwiches (I wish I was lying) and giving her a flat tire on her shoe. Then shoving the cart into her accidentally while he looks at a hot woman in the store so she falls into a display of peach cans is not endearing in any way, shape, or form. Of course, Phil doesn't think he pushed her into the cans, and the kids take his side because they think Claire ALWAYS has to be right.Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) are planning to have the family over to make their announcement about adopting a boy, but Mitch wants things a little more low-key this time. Cam dancing with sparklers to Deniece Williams' Let's Hear It For The Boy was not low-key enough for his taste. (CAMERON: It's just a banner and me dancing to some light musical accompaniment. I don't have a lower key!) But Mitch would still take that over Lily's (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) reaction, as she doesn't want to have a baby brother at all. Actually, she's emphatically anti-baby, even saying to "kill the baby" and punching a baby Cameron was just holding. She does not like sharing Daddy. That may be because Cameron coddles her way too much, even keeping her home from pre-school. ("We went shopping!") Cameron is in denial, of course, but the evidence suggests otherwise.Gloria (Sofía Vergara) gets a call from Manny's (Rico Rodriguez) principal that he stole a girl's locket. Gloria can't believe Manny would do it, but Jay knows better. (Given how many cops Ed O'Neill has played in his career, this should be fun.) He grills the squirrely Manny in the garage. (under a single light, natch) He folds like a cheap card table, and Jay tells him to confess to Gloria and return it. And hopes he isn't wearing it. Gloria was ticked because she threatened the principal with the Colombian necktie.GLORIA: It's bad enough he's the boy with the pan flute and the puffy shirts and the poems, now he's a jewelry thief!JAY: (shrugs) It's an upgrade.Gloria takes Manny in to face punishment, but Manny is already feeling awful about what he did. She decides to break into the locker of the girl who owned the locket and slip it inside. (And tomorrow, throughout schools across America, kids will see if that credit card trick really works.)Back at the Dunphys, Haley (Sarah Hyland) and Alex (Ariel Winter) fight over who gets to move into the attic. Rather badly, it seems, but it's enough to convince Luke (Nolan Gould) he should move into the "penthouse". But he's actually outsmarting them, because there's a line of ants eating away at some Halloween candy in his closet, and they're almost done.Cameron is having a rough time separating himself from Lily, but he needs to do it before the new "thing" comes in.MITCHELL: Why are you saying "thing" instead of baby.LILY: (from outside) Kill the new baby.Mitchell offers to take Lily to school because he doesn't enjoy seeing Cam suffer. (not what he says in the interview, but whatevs) And Mitchell finds out some interesting information from Lily's teacher. Cam's coddling might not be the problem: it might be Lily not learning to share. Which is something many kids pick up from their parents. And now Mitchell is feeling guilty.Claire asks Luke about moving into the attic, but Luke wants to do it. Claire tells the girls not to move their stuff because she's certain Luke will get too cold or too scared and be back down by tomorrow night. Phil (and the girls) think it's another of her "mom's always gotta be right" deals, and she goes off on Phil for pushing her at the supermarket.PHIL: It's just one of those things we'll never know. Like what happened to the Titanic.At Mitchell and Cameron's, everybody is gathering for dinner. Lily dressed herself (and looked like she did), while Mitchell was impressed Luke wanted to live in the attic. ("Grandpa said you used to live in the closet.") Lily got mad at Luke when Cam hugged him, and Cameron was freaking out. Then Mitchell told him Lily might have sharing problems from him. And now Cam was freaking out for Mitch letting him feel guilty all day. They decide to postpone the announcement since Cameron wasn't feeling particularly joyous.It's pile-on-Claire day, and even Lily got into the act when Claire tried to correct the number of fingers she was holding up. Phil was enjoying it, but Claire pulled out her trump card: security footage from the supermarket to prove Phil pushed her into the peaches. And if you guessed the footage showed Claire fell on her'd actually be wrong. Phil DID push the cart into her. Of course, now the kids think Claire is a freak for going through all that trouble to get the footage and show it in front of everybody. Claire is going ballistic, Gloria is telling her to calm down with the language in front of the kids, which sets Mitchell off against Cameron, who lets slip out they're going to adopt another baby. The banner won't unfurl, the sparklers won't light, and Deniece Williams is just too damn loud for everybody. Cameron is in full freak-out mode and starts fighting with Mitchell.JAY: Oh stop already. No kid wants a sibling. Claire hated you so much, she stuck you in the dryer when you were two!MITCHELL: That's why I was afraid of tumbling! I had to quit gymnastics, Claire!Jay tells everyone to chill out. Kids do stupid things when they're kids, but they get through it. And he toasted Manny because Manny did something bad but acted like a man, admitted to it, and took the punishment standing up. Yup, it was a ploy to get Manny to cave in, and it worked. Manny threw Gloria under the bus, and Jay triumphed in being right. And now we know where Claire got that from. (But she was right about Luke hating the attic.)

Directed by Michael Spiller  

Starring Ed O'Neill, Sofía Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, more...

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